Tuesday, February 21, 2012

POSITIVE Parenting

Being a Parent is hard (especially when your sweet little baby grows up and becomes a hormone-raging Teenager--YIKES)!!!  I've been a parent to preteens or teenagers for over 5 years now. Over the years I've done a lot of research on parenting, specifically, parenting teenagers. Here are a few things that have really helped me over the last few years.
1.
Several blogs I stumbled across mentioned an awesome parenting class given by Carleen Tanner.  Unfortunately, her Positive Parenting Class is in Idaho, which is just a  little too far for me to drive each week.  Luckily a lady, Andrea, started this blog and shares notes from Sister Tanner's weekly class with us.  (THANK YOU Andrea!!!)   
About Sister Tanner: She had 10 children in 12 years, they were 14 months apart, her 3rd child was a vibrant red and very opinionated. She had to study how to become a better parent. Her favorite text book is the current Ensign. She wants to help us get from generals to specifics. She has taught at BYU-I Education Week for 9 years.

Head RUN on over to Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting right now.  She has some AWESOME ideas (all scriptural or Ensign based).

2.

Let me introduce you to a book that has saved my relationship with my oldest Teen (who is a lot like Carleen Tanner's 3rd child).


WHAT'S A PARENT TO DO?  SOLVING FAMILY PROBLEMS IN A CHRISTLIKE WAY. 
by Glenn I. Latham

In this book Brother Latham teaches how to parent in a way similar to how Christ would.

"As I read the scriptures, study the teachings of the prophets, and consider what research in human behavior has taught us, I have concluded that within the gospel perspective, the measure of a "good parent" is eight-fold."  Here is a summary of his 8:

GOOD PARENTS. . . ..

1.  teach their children the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which include, honesty, decency, kindness, love of God and fellowman, etc

2.   are living examples to their children of the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ

3.  create within their homes a safe, positive, happy, nocoercive, nonabusive environment that is under parental control

4.  allow their children to exercise their moral agency, then calmly and patiently let consequences do the teaching (this one is hard)

5.  never give up; they pray for their children continually

6.  are continually learning and applying better, more effective parenting skills

7.  rise above the misbehavior of their children and happily get on with life

8.  put parenting above all other earthly endeavors

He also reminds us not to use our children's behavior to judge our success as a parent.  Remember Heavenly Father lost 1/3 of his children too. (So Important!)

He pleads with parents to "create a home that is safe for children of all ages.  Safe from criticism, sarcasm, preaching, screaming, hitting, abuse (in any form), pleadings, and other kinds of coercive measures.  Say and do to your children only what you want done and said to your grandchildren."  (I love that!)

Let your children use their agency, Christ would NEVER coerce (force) his children to behave.

My favorite theme that runs throughout the book is to always look for the good things your children do and praise them for it.  Don't ever ignore the good things about your kids no matter how "bad" they get.  There will always be something good about them.

The thing I love most, is that this book, What's A Parent To Do, is full of case scenarios showing the wrong way to handle a situation with your child (teen) and the right way (these are super helpful)!

He also has a REALLY GOOD book called The Power of Positive Parenting, most of this book can be accessed online here.

3.
Some might think I'm crazy, but I actually am inspired by the 2 Duggar Family books




The Duggars: 20 and Counting!
and  A Love That Multiplies


Michelle is the mother in this large (19 kid) family.  She is one of my Hero's.  She shares some great insights and ideas on being a patient, loving, organized, Godly Mother.  If you haven't read these, I really recommend it.  You will be inspired!

The Duggar's have a set of Family Rules that I love.  A while ago, I made a printable of them for my house. Thought I'd share it.
click on picture, rt click, save image as, print

2 comments:

Tonii said...

Thank you SO much for sharing all these wonderful resources and ideas. Even though my oldest is only 6 I am already worrying about so many of these things, and pray every day I can be the kind of mom my kids deserve. Some of these tips really struck me, especially to always notice the GOOD our kids are doing. I need to be better about that. Thank you!!

The Mommy Teacher said...

Came across your post while searching Pinterest for a printable of the Duggar Rules:) I loved your entire post, and look forward to reading all of your recommendations. I did not grow up in a positive parenting household, so I am approaching all new territory... We have a 5, 4 and 1 year old, with a foster child in the very near future (2 weeks). I am praying that I can be an example of Christ's love to all of the children that God puts in my care, and your post along with lots of pray, Bible reading and posturing myself is the way to go!!! Thank you!!